life. i remember...... it keeps repeating the same old pattern.

the scene: me, home alone, in an apartment i lovelovelove-d, reeling in the aftermath of my dad's passing, the morning of a day when a close personal friend was about to receive guests at home with his parents---- no, i wasn't included, despite being a close friend of the most fragile member of his family------ in celebration of his parents' 50-year anniversary. it was going to be fancy; his mom had her personal private seamstress design and make her party dress, one of a kind, just 4 her, not off-the-rack.

i remember sitting at my humble adorable little glass table on a chrome pedestal, an awww gee thanks appreciated hand-me-down from my close first cousin, nitsa, whose life had taken off in positive direction, no longer in a crappy apartment, she had moved into upgraded domestic bliss with husband in a respectable grown-up i've-arrived house. i sat there, numb, dazed and generally as far from peak despite being at my peak, a girl can get, looking, staring, without focus, out my living room window.....

stinging a bit from having been dissed by the family of my close friend who didn't put my name on the guest list, 150 ppl strong, my friend told me after, but not smarting too much, b/c it wasn't that important to me, even though how (lousy?) christian rich ppl can be made me feel something which an author would have to use the word "wry" to communicate. today i know how typical not being a "perfect saintly christian" walking the talk, can be. evidence of maturity gained late, the hard way, both psycho-social and spiritual.

what i was "musing" was how strange, how odd, life could be....

one family was celebrating joy, while another family was in the grips of extreme grief and sadness.

while the world continued to spin round, oblivious, and impervious, to the contradictions carried on its land along a spectrum of joy and suffering, not linear, rather circular. something i appreciate more now, 2 decades later, than i did then.

i belong to a huge network (although no one who knows me via fb alone would ever guess this) of a greek village, with whom there is a feeling (mythology-grade) of being equally lovingly related to everyone. we've all heard of every village having an idiot, a persona non grata, avoided by the masses, right? the village is there, but, they are hidden, strategically, on purpose, by choice, to create illusions, and distance, which prevents acquisition of that most-feared communicable disease we learn about in grade school, the cooties (that'd be me, spicing this up with a sprinkle of humor, acknowledging that there is a kernel of truth in jokes which make us laugh in spite of our selfies, the respite of normalcy, aka comic relief) yes, it's true, i'm not as alone in life, as it may seem and can appear to be the case, on fb. black cocktail dresses under 50

via the grapevine, today, i heard some really sad news that was upsetting to me personally, of bad things happening to ppl from my village, "family" who i love as relatives and friends....... the village idiot, the persona non grata, has feelings, too, after all, something most of US rarely pause long enough to consider, think about, as a matter of urgent, responsible, loving, christian priority

today, one family is grappling with hospitals, disease, aging, un-expect-ed "negative" developments, compounded by the anguish of separation by oceans on different continents, a poignant anguish which harangues immigrant families without mercy.

yet, i know, b/c of an invitation, which is causing me to feel mixed up for personal reasons which will remain private and hidden, another family from my big fat extended greek family village network, is having an open house party, celebrating a family milestone, another one of their kids is graduating.

one family laughs and celebrates, while another one freezes up, wondering what the future will hold, and when?

when my aforementioned friend's parents, the ones who didn't invite me when they had cause for celebrating their own successes and wins in life, who, surely unknowingly, neglectfully and thoughtlessly, deprived me of an hour's respite from my own sad state of affairs, a chance to mingle with total strangers in a little black dress and strappy heels over cocktails and hors d'oeuvres who didn't know my bio, my story, my situation, or even my name, started dying off, one by one, and my own situation, had eased up a bit, out of extreme mourning, i remember realizing sadly, that, and how, the shoe eventually gets worn by the other foot in life.

one day we dis, the next day, someone disses US.

one day we weep, the other day someone else weeps.

one day we are blessed with occasions of celebration and joy, another day it's someone else's turn to be happy

and these times, and days, and occasions of grief, tragedy, drama, and joy, are often coinciding, on the same day......

where does this leave us? happy? sad? how can we do, and be both, without pretense, faking it, or being cold-hearted, mean, unkind, selfish and callous?

which may be why "circumspect sensitivity" and "time-consuming empathy" and "delicate informed nuanced kindness" and "intimate mercy" and "true humility" are so important, and relevant 2, and 4, US all